Successful Internet Dating Can Be Achieved If You Use the No-Risk Zone to Your Advantage

My recent article titled Cybersexy seems to have rubbed some people the wrong way. Well, I say mission accomplished. Had the gentleman I was trying to date “listened” as attentively as those reading my blog post then maybe we would be out on a date and I wouldn’t be typing this follow-up article.

 

My experience was one that I would rather forget, but I’ve learned that although some people are honest about who they are some are not. My intention was to not to deter anyone from Internet dating. There are many success stories, but for the sake of those that have had bad luck here are some things to keep in mind:

 

Take Your Time and Read:  Be sure to read their profile and if you are chatting through email or Instant Messaging, take the time to actually read and comprehend what the other person is saying. This is a potential suitor, boyfriend/girlfriend or possibly a life mate. Don’t skim through the email. Read it and get to know this person well. After all, this is the meet and greet before the actual in-person meeting.

 

Pay Attention: I have found that people are more open over the Internet because there is no risk. If you don’t like something you never have to answer another email or IM. As well, IM can move fast if you have come across an expert typist who talks a lot. Tell him/her to slow down to give you time to read their responses. Take your eyes off the computer and you might miss something important and this can lead to misunderstandings or lead the person to believe you are distracted.

       

Ask Questions:  If you don’t understand what is being conveyed ask questions. Why not ask as many questions as possible? Don’t you want to know as much about this person as you possibly can? Don’t be afraid to ask hard questions. Take advantage of this “no risk” zone.  Get all the good, bad and ugly on this person.

 

 

Be Honest: Depending on your intentions be honest about it. The worse thing you can do is waste someone’s time. Be clear about why you are contacting this person and what your expectations are. If you just want to chat, meet for an occasional “bootie call” or looking for your husband or wife please just say that. Be honest when writing your profile and don’t put a picture up that is five years old (recent pictures please). No, you don’t have to tell your life story; basic but interesting information about who you are is sufficient. Don’t try to be what you are not.

I learned a valuable lesson with my first Internet dating experience and that is it is not for me. Ironically, as a writer one would be prone to believe I’d have the least amount of problems getting my point across through text. (You probably don’t understand anything I have said here either). I am apt to believe it had nothing to do with that, but that there was something about me he didn’t find appealing. Still, Internet dating works for many and those that have achieved success made sure there were no misconceptions or misunderstandings from the beginning. Take your time, get to know the person, be attentive, ask questions and most importantly be honest.

Cybersexy

You roll out of bed and cheerfully you think,”Yes it’s my day off.” You shower, dress and eat breakfast over the morning paper. You notice the newspaper is getting lighter and lighter. “I guess that is a good thing, less trees have to suffer.” With your good will thinking in mind, you head over to your computer. The AOL and MSN homepages are filled with the morning’s news and it dawns on you why the newspaper seems to be missing a few pages. “It is an Internet takeover,” you think out loud. The truth of the matter is that more and more people are relying on the Internet for the latest in news and most everything, including dating.

 

This day is special not just because you have a day away from the daily grind, but as well you met a cutie online and you decided against your better judgement to send a reply to the message left in your inbox on that dating site. You were reluctant to try it, but what did you really have to lose? If you were not interested you never had to see or speak to that person ever again, so you type your reply, pause to make sure you have given just enough information without typos and you hit send. Sigh… you pray you won’t regret trying this one time. You are curious to see what comes out of this though. You anxiously check out the person’s profile again and maybe a few others. You feel all the components for a great relationship, good-looking to boot; all you have to do now is wait.

 

After a couple days, you remember to check your inbox again and there is it… the reply. You realize this person doesn’t even live in the United States, but even more annoying is that the message is filled with typos. You don’t let this deter you much as your Internet cutie wants to chat live on IM. Your previous message was only a paragraph long, but you find that your online cyber bunny has written his life story. “How could someone be so open; he must have done this before.” You are still not too concerned and check to see if he is available for the chat and there he is!

 

He greets you very kindly and you refrain from being too over the top. Instead you try to lighten the mood with laughter, but you find that not only is he a very serious person, but as well you are having communication problems. He asks if you have dated online before. You tell him that you have not and that you really don’t trust the honesty of people on those sites. We all know that many put up fake pictures, don’t type their own profiles and make themselves into more than they really are. It seems he can’t even formulate a complete sentence. He becomes frustrated because he doesn’t realize that it was his cybersexiness that drew you to him in the first place and that you are willing to try this out for the sake of open-mindedness. He gets confused with your independence and misconstrue why you don’t like Internet sites. He makes claims of, “Oh I guess you just came here to just chill.”  WHAT!! Just chill?  Unbelievable! Obviously, there was something that struck a chord, so why not be honest enough to say it? It was all just an illusion and a damn shame too; everything you put out there was the whole truth. That’s what you get… even if you are cybersexy in real life!! Whatever….

 

After trying to explain that you are interested and that he has misunderstood where you were coming from, it becomes very clear that not only does he not understand your dialect he does not understand YOU! After only about a minute of frustrating back and forth chatter you decide to close out the chat. You send a regretful email and figure you will never hear from him again, but wait… he sends a chat when you are away from your computer and he takes that as you are not interested. When you finally catch up to him, he goes from paragraph length answers to one word replies. “Okay, I see where this has gone,” to cyber hell. Too bad, he was a straight up cybersexy and you know…… that is probably all he is…. Delete….