I Miss Her When She’s Gone: My Sunny (Helping Your Preemie Thrive)

Sunny's 1st Days

 

She was one of two, but she came into the world November 16, 2009 by herself, two months early and weighing 2 pounds and 1 ounce. Instantly, I felt a bond and she wasn’t even mine; I was going to spoil her like she was, I had made up my mind. My niece, Madisyn Soiele, a vision of perfection, lie in her incubator, needles, ventilator and every kind of medical apparatus covered her body. Her eyes were even covered to avoid damage from the Bili-light. Her herniated navel protruded to an unbelievable grotesque size, but still she was perfect. I was in love. I needed to project all my positive energy toward only her. I wanted her home and she could not come soon enough. I did everything to see her in the hospital (some illegal), but I knew she needed to know I was there and we all took turns, letting her know we were there.   

  

Sunny: 4 Months Old

 

Two months later, she was home; she’s a strong one! My brother and his girlfriend had been complaining no one came to visited their new place. They had fixed it up really nice and he wanted to test out his cooking skills. The family tag teams  them now, taking turns visiting sweet Sunny. (That is my nickname for Madisyn). I think is it fitting. She brightens my days and my nights when I stare at my computer screen’s background which she graces. She is on every computer screen in my home… count four. My father washes all her dirty clothes and takes hours folding them just so. Their interaction is a wonderful sight. My mother will surely go broke buying everything in the baby stores. We fight over who is going to hold her and she lets us. My brother and his girlfriend just stand back and let us at her because there is nothing they can do about it.   

The best part about this whole experience is Aunie (Au-nee) — the name I am affectionately called by my other niece and nephew – is able to baby-sit (gladly) any time. She is a great baby. She only cries when she is hungry and at this very moment she weighs 8 pounds 5 ounces. She can put that Enfamil back!! She is very healthy and is developing a personality so very young. It is amazing how fast children mature. She is not mine, but I suffer withdrawals when she has to leave. My daughter, who is 22 now asked me if I missed having a baby. It is not a longing of having another baby that causes my anxiety. It is knowing what she will have to face in life, all that she has faced thus far. I want to protect her. She was born six days after my birthday and I know that was no mistake. She knows me; we have bonded… I feel a sense of responsibility for my niece to make sure she lives a life as good as the one my siblings, daughter, cousins and niece and nephew shared. Can you believe that is the same baby? I am in love!!!   

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My Angel

If you never noticed, we all have angels,
they come in all shapes and sizes,
mine is about 3 ft tall and full of so many surprises.
On the saddest of days just seeing her makes it all better,
and no matter what I endure in life,
I know I could never forget her.
Forsake her, neglect her, honestly I can’t see neither,
wrapped around her fingers I am,
tell me a bold-faced lie, I’d have to catch myself not to believe her.
Hearing her voice is almost like the heavens smile in my direction,
and being she is a seed from my roots for her I have the utmost affection.
I think to myself without her I can’t imagine,
comes to mind once in a while,
but that’s a thought I’d rather not even fathom.
She’s truly brought out a lot of good in me,
some of which I never knew I had,
nothing beats the feeling I get hearing her call me dad.
Makes me realize I got someone looking up to me,
but to me, she’s really looking out for me.
She’s my angel, what more can I say,
besides pray to God that our bond never goes astray.
My angel is so cute with those pigtails,
little hands & face so round,
she can barely hold the remote control,
but somehow she holds me down.
I get teary eyed sometimes,
knowing she will not always be here.
Kind of sad just to think of her being with her mom,
on the other side of the world,
but no way in hell I’m going to let distance stop her from knowing daddy,
and her always being… daddy’s little girl.

Craig…DaConcernedOne
“Mr. Thermal Words”
craigdavis@thermalwords.com

My dear friend, Craig Davis, was kind enough to grace my blog with his poetic prowess. He is the author of ‘Thermal Words‘ a prolific masterpiece of poetry that will heat up the body, mind and soul!

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Heart’s Life Support

Mother/Daughter

 

I watch her sleep silently. She slumbers peacefully with no apparent cares as though she was lying in her cradle. I almost know what she is dreaming about. Funny, we finish each others sentences. We speak the same things at the same time and ohhhh….. we laugh! Reading of the mind comes naturally and I am yet to experience a bond tighter. The purity of her heart leaves me wondering, “Can I really take credit for this?” 

She has never given me an ounce of trouble, despite all of life’s woes we endured together. I was sure when I uprooted her and moved almost 2,000 miles away from the only male figure in her life she would resent me. Instead she expressed elation that I made the right choice. You see, she understood; he had exposed her to things that she wouldn’t tell me until now. She understood at a very young age that which plagued my heart. She waited patiently for me to catch up, to see and know what her young but mature mind had already processed. That separation (my divorce) left just us. We have never left each other’s side. Some call me overprotective and it’s okay. I’ll even swallow the spoiling claims. God’s gift was my sole responsibility and I wouldn’t let HIM down.     

In this present time, I can say I’ve kept my word; for she is the brightest star in my sky. Always following her heart and making righteous choices; everyone sees her as near perfection. The only guide I had, came from that within my spirit. I have most happily made sacrifices for her happiness. She deserves it. I would lay down everything for her. 

At one time, I thought being wholly present (in my daughter’s face) was the  core of our bond. After being asked many times, “How did you raise such a great child,” it never occurred to me until right at this moment; it’s all about mutual trust. She has always trusted that I would be there unconditionally; that I would communicate honestly; and that I would provide understanding and respect. As well, we must be consistent. Never make promises that you can’t keep because they remember. As well, she knows I trust her and every time she left home as a teenager I would always say, “I’m trusting you.” She never let me down.     

Everyday is a celebration for me when my daughter awakes. I have to give her a hug, greeting or something. There is nothing about her I dislike. She is pure in mind, spirit and body. If I did partake in envy it would be of her. She is my life’s truest blessing and it has been a journey… difficult, but steady.  I have been there for her and she has been there for me; and, 22 years later a divorce, death of a mate, some failures, moving and college our bond is tighter than ever.     

Ashley, mom is so very proud of you. I’m always trusting the greatness of your soul to take you beyond your dreams and always know I will be right there!